


Healing

by straykidsninja (orphan_account)



Series: Struggles and Snuggles [2]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, But mostly angst, Coping, Don't Judge Me, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Healing, LGBTQ Character, Non-Binary Jisung, Other, Panic Attacks, Platonic Relationships, Probably ooc, Questionable Coping Mechanisms, Self-Reflection, Suffering, The Author Regrets Everything, not well written, please and thanks, possible trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-13 06:23:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18463298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/straykidsninja
Summary: It may sound strange, but when they’re around the others, they are, unknowingly, healing. (Jisung x everyone)(Non-Binary Jisung!)





	Healing

**Author's Note:**

> This has been on my Laptop for nearly a year so I was just like "Fuck it, I'mma post that crappy piece now!", so, as you can tell, this is NOT beta-read, because I'm lazy.  
> Also, Hyung was ONLY used because I'm not sure if there are gender neutral formalities like there are "Hyung", "Noona" and such in the Korean language.
> 
> And also, for the ones who still didn't get it: Han Jisung is NON-BINARY in this story!  
> (Correcting pronouns took me wayyy too long xD)

It was strange, really, how they acted different as soon as their friends were with them. When they were alone, they would talk about depression, anxiety, things they were experiencing daily.  
Once they were united as all nine, they were like different persons.  
Alone, they would be dead serious, talking about their struggles, since they knew, neither would tell anyone about their secrets. They could count on each other.  
Except if it went out of control, so they promised, they could tell their friends.

It may have seemed strange, but the happiest people mostly were also the saddest inside. Well, that’s what they always thought.

It was, once again, one of the times they were alone. It was dark outside, the pitch-black night swallowing everything.  
“Hey, Felix… Can I tell you something?” a fragile voice whispered through the darkness.  
“Huh? Jisung… what are you doing up? Go back to sleep.” The slightly younger murmured and hid his face behind the blanket.  
“Felix… I had another one. It’s back.” The older exclaimed as they nearly started crying.  
Without thinking, Felix instantly knew what Jisung was talking about. He was at the others side in a flash.  
“You had a panic attack again? Just now?”  
Jisung couldn’t get themself to say anything, so they just nodded, tears threatening to slip.  
“Oh, Jisung. Come here. It’s okay, it’s over. You’re fine… Everything is going to be okay.” Felix tried to sooth the older by whispering sweet nothings into their ear and hugging them, which seemed to work well.  
“Jisung… We need to tell them. It’s getting out of our hands. I think Chan Hyung already noticed that something’s off.” Felix sighed as he hugged Jisung tighter.  
“I can’t Felix! They’ll judge me. They’ll judge US! I don’t want that to happen! They’re all so happy! I don’t want to ruin their happiness!” Jisung wailed, as their anxiety once again took over.  
“Jisung! You won’t ruin their happiness! I think they would even want to give you some of theirs.” Felix whisper-yelled, still hugging the trembling body in his arms.  
“Are you sure?” Jisung said, now sounding exhausted. Felix could already tell that Jisung would soon be fast asleep in his arms.  
“Pretty sure, Jisung. Chan Hyung wouldn’t want to see you, me or any other member hurting. He would do anything for us to be happy again.” Felix whispered, knowing how Jisung was almost in dreamland.  
“Thanks, Lix. You’re the best friend someone can wish for…”, were Jisungs last words before they fell into a deep, dreamless slumber.  
“Same goes for you, Jisungie, if only you knew how much you mean to me…” Felix sighed in a hushed tone, knowing his friend couldn’t hear him anymore.  
Soon, Felix followed Jisung to dreamland.

But neither of them knew that someone was watching them…

###### ~The following morning~

Felix woke up with a jolt. He must’ve been dreaming strangely again. When he realised he wasn’t alone, he smiled, sadly. Jisung lay in his arms, still asleep, but seemingly trying to get away from something. He hugged the other, before he stood up slowly, as to not wake Jisung up, and left the room, to go have some breakfast.

“Good morning, Hyungs!” Felix smiled at the others once he entered the living room.  
Chan greeted back with a mumbled “Good morning. Is Jisung still sleeping? If so, can you go wake them? We need to have a talk.”  
“Sure Hyung, wait up.” Felix hesitated, before he dashed into the room he shared with Seungmin and Jisung.  
“Jisungie wake up!! Chan wants to have a word with you!” he exclaimed while slightly grinning at the cute display in front of him.  
Jisungs hair was dishevelled, their eyes were still puffy from sleeping.  
“What?! Felix! What if he noticed IT?” Jisung panicked, as they looked at Felix in horror.  
“Well, he won’t be mad at you. Pretty sure about that one. Better hurry up, J.ONE, otherwise Chan will get mad for real.” Felix said as he watched Jisung stumbling out of bed.  
Once Jisung walked out of their room, he immediately regretted leaving his bed.  
“Jisungie! Come here for a minute please!” Chan smiled at the younger and dragged him into the room of the elder members.

“Chris? What’s the matter? Is something wrong?” Jisung asked the older, feeling slightly uneasy.  
“Are you having any problems? Is there something bothering you? You seemed so off the last few days.” Chan asked, slowly, as to not scare the younger.  
“Uh… no? What are you talking about? I’m fine, really!” Jisung said while wearing one of these fake-smiles.  
“Should I go and ask Felix? Because I’m sure he would tell me, just for the sake of your well-being. Please, Jisung. There must be something troubling you!” the older exclaimed and sighed, frustrated.  
Jisung just shook their head.  
Plan B it was, Chan decided by that time.  
“Will you tell me when Felix is with you?” Chan tried again, hoping for a positive answer this time.  
Jisung hesitated, seemingly thinking, before they nodded, shyly.  
“Good, I’ll go get him, but then you’ll really have to tell me, okay?” Chan smiled at the younger, relieved they wanted to finally tell him what has been bothering them.  
“Felix? Can you go help me? I’m trying to get Jisung to tell me what’s wrong but they won’t tell me unless you’re there with them.” Chan asked, entering the kitchen, where the younger was eating breakfast.  
“Oh? They want to tell you what’s the matter? But only if I’m there? Wait up, I’ll come with you.” Felix sighed, sounding relieved, before getting up.  
Did he know something?  
When Felix entered the room, followed by Chan, he halted his actions abruptly.  
“Oh my god, they have a panic attack!” Chan thought to himself as he stood there, not knowing what to do.

“Jisung! Hey, hey! Everything’s okay! Can I touch you, Jisung?” Felix was the first one to be at the others side.  
At the last question, Jisung, luckily, nodded and let themself be engulfed by a hug.  
As the panic attack went on, Felix did the thing he always did when the panic attacks didn’t stop.  
“Hey, look at me.” Felix whispered, as to not scare Jisung more. As the latter did so, with tears in their eyes, Felix continued.  
“Breath with me, okay? Here, I’ll help you. Everything is okay, you’re safe.”  
Their breathing slowly but surely became slower, until Jisung eventually fell asleep, due to exhaustion, once again.  
“Felix?” Chan dared to ask after a while, still shocked at what happened a few moments ago.  
Said boy looked over to Chan, signalling him to continue.  
“How long has this been going on?” the oldest asked, worrying about his younger friend in Felix’ arms.  
“Oh, that? It all started when Minho Hyung was eliminated. And then when I was gone, they were on their own, because no one of you knew what’s up with them, except for me and Changbin Hyung, I think.” Felix explained, looking at Jisung with sad eyes.  
“Come on, let’s bring them back to bed. They deserve to rest.” Chan sighed as he went to Felix.  
“I got them, Hyung, don’t worry. They’re light.” Felix whispered as he signed Chan to open the door.

“What do you mean with ‘Light’? Should I be worried?” a new voice chimed in. As they looked to the door, they recognised Minho and Woojin standing there, looking at the sleeping body in Felix’ arms.  
Before they could answer, Minho asked another question.  
“And what even happened to them? They seemed so stressed earlier.”  
“Okay, I guess, it’s time to tell you. Even though Jisung won’t really like it.” Felix mumbled, still carrying said kid, before tucking them in.  
“Let’s meet in the living room. Gather everyone. I’ll have to tell you what happened earlier today.” Felix announced, already leaving for said room.  
Once everyone, expect for Jisung of course, was gathered in the living room, Felix told them everything Jisung has been through.

“Sooo… everything started when Minho Hyung was eliminated. One day they came to me and told me that they was afraid of getting eliminated as well. And well… that was when their first panic attack hit them. But since my mother had them as well, I knew what I had to do. Luckily. But when I left as well, they were for themself. At that time they told Changbin Hyung about it I think?” Felix said, the last sentence directed at said male, who nodded at the question.

“That means, basically, that Jisung suffers from anxiety? Why didn’t you tell us earlier?!” Chan asked, seemingly disappointed.  
“They didn’t want you to be mad at them, because ‘I’m just stopping them from doing their thing!’” Felix quoted the other, who was still absent.  
“They’re such a pessimist. Always thinking the worst of the worst.” Minho sighed.  
“But how should we tell them that we know about it? Pretty sure they didn’t want Felix to tell anyone.” Seungmin pointed out, making everyone go silent.  
“We already talked about it and they were okay with it. I think they won’t be mad.” Felix answered, to which everyone let out a relieved sigh.  
“Should we do something about it?” Hyunjin asked, concern taking over his handsome features. Jeongin, who was seated beside Hyunjin, looked at the others with expecting eyes, as if he wanted to ask something, but he kept silent, because he didn’t know how to phrase it.  
The others went silent once more, taking in the words Hyunjin has said.  
“Maybe? I mean, we don’t know if they even want help.” Minho said, more to himself as to the others, while thinking hard.  
“They’ll get help, if they want to or not. I know, we can’t pressure them into this, but this are serious matters we’re talking about here, we must help them.” Chan stated, taking of his cap, to run his fingers through his messy hair.  
“Are you sure they really want that? I mean, anxiety isn’t something you can just get rid of. It’s not that easy, Hyung. Jisung would need a couple of months, or even years, to get to be their old self. If they even will become their old self ever again.” Changbin finally snapped, making the older look at him with surprise written all over his face.  
“Why does it sound like you’re talking out of experience?” Hyunjin asked, also as surprised as Chan, already suspecting something.

“Because I know. I know how it feels like. The anxiety, the suffering, everything. I suffered from anxiety when I was 13. And I still haven’t really recovered until today. Sometimes, it still gets me. But most of the time, I feel okay, so don’t worry about me. We should now worry over Jisung more.” Changbin sighed, looking on the floor.  
The others stared at him, mouths gaping at his speech. The room went completely silent for the third time that day.  
Until Felix finally got his senses back and hugged Changbin.  
“Hyung! Why haven’t you told us earlier?! I’m so sorry you had to go through all of this! Is that why Jisung told you about their struggles?!” he sobbed, clinging to the older, who just smiled at the younger boy hugging him.  
“Felix, it’s okay. I’m okay, you get me? I would never have thought that I needed to tell you one day, that’s why I never told anyone about it. Not even Chan Hyung knew about it. And to answer your question: no, not really. I only told Jisung when they came to me for help.” Changbin exclaimed, stroking the youngers hair in a calming manner. 

“Uh… did I miss something?” a new voice chimed in, making everyone halt their actions.  
“Jisungie! You’re awake!” Jeongin called out as he ran to the older, hugging them.  
Latter looked at the others, confused as to why they were so silent.  
Then, it dawned on Jisung. They looked to Felix, as if they wanted to ask:  
‘You told them, didn’t you?’  
Felix nodded, looking like a kicked puppy.

“So, I assume you all know about my health now?” Jisung asked, glaring at Felix in the process.  
“Listen Jisung, we want to help you. I know it isn’t easy, Changbin told us how hard it is. But please, let us help you this once. Only for this time. Please?” Minho declared, hoping Jisung would cooperate.  
“You know how hard it is? You don’t know how it feels like to suffer! Have you ever experienced a panic attack that hard you thought you were dying?! Or have you ever had such fears of getting accused of something because you made a small mistake like 5 years ago?! No, you don’t! Stop trying to understand me! No one can understand me! Not even you. None of you.” Jisung yelled, but the last sentence was only a whisper, their voice cracking, before they broke down crying, once again.  
Chan and Felix were at their side in an instant, trying to get them to calm down.  
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I’m such a horrible friend, snapping at you like this. You only want to help, and I’m being an asshole. I’m sorry.” Jisung chanted, tears not stopping.  
“It’s okay, look, we are not mad at you. Right, Minho?” Chan said, looking to the other, who just nodded, not able to say anything.  
“See? Everything is okay. No need to be sorry.” Felix also tried to calm Jisung down.  
“Hey, Jisung?”  
They looked up, only to see Changbin smiling at them.  
“Y-yes?” they hiccupped, still crying.  
“Let’s heal together, shall we?” the other continued.

And that was, when it hit Jisung:  
They were, strangely and unknowingly, healing, when they were with the others. They just didn’t realise it until now.  
Then, they thought to himself:  
‘I’ll be okay. Someday.’

“I’d love to, Hyung.”

###### Two years later

“Our next, and unfortunately last question: Jisung, is it true you once suffered anxiety? Rumors have been going on about this topic. Would you mind telling us if this rumor is true?” the annotator said, handing the microphone to them.  
“You don’t have to do it if you’re uncomfortable with it, you know that?” Minho whispered to the younger, so no one else would be able to hear it.

Jisung nodded, before they began to speak:  
“You know, I’d rather not talk about it, but since the question will be asked again and again anyways, I want to make it clear to anyone. Yes, I did suffer anxiety, and I still do. It isn’t something you can just get rid of. It will haunt you forever, even if you overcome it somehow. But my members have been helping me out ever since they found out, and I’m very thankful to have them. So, STAY! If you’re struggling, please tell someone so you can get better! Fighting!” Jisung smiled, giving the mic back to the annotator, who was surprised at the honesty displayed in front of him.  
“Well, the last question has been answered in a very honest way, so thank you to Stray Kids for coming on this show, how did you like it?” the co-annotator asked.

 

The rest of the show went by in a blur, and in no time, they were back in their dorm, getting ready for a Vlive they promised their fans.  
“Hey, Jisung?” Minho asked, as he found the younger lying in their bed, starring at the ceiling.  
“You did well today, we all are proud of you.” He continued when he received no answer.  
“Thanks, Hyung. I’m quite proud of myself too.” Jisung smiled, looking him straight into his eyes.  
“Let’s go make that Vlive, should we?” Minho asked, reaching out his hand for the younger to take.  
“Hell yes, let’s do this!”


End file.
